{"id":5675,"date":"2017-05-25T11:05:38","date_gmt":"2017-05-24T23:05:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thesislink.aut.ac.nz\/?p=5675"},"modified":"2017-05-25T11:06:08","modified_gmt":"2017-05-24T23:06:08","slug":"postgrad-parents-tips-from-a-graduand","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thesislink.aut.ac.nz\/?p=5675","title":{"rendered":"Postgrad Parents: Tips from a Graduand"},"content":{"rendered":"

Melissa Gould is about to graduate after years as a postgrad parent. She sent us her tips for surviving a PhD with children. Thanks Melissa!<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I signed up for my doctoral studies and got pregnant in the same month…seven years ago. In July, my six-year-old daughter, my three-year-old son, and my partner will watch me walk across the Aotea Centre stage as I graduate with my PhD in Communication Studies from AUT.<\/p>\n

Being a postgrad parent is nothing short of a challenge. \u00a0So here are some strategies that characterised my time as a postgrad parent:<\/p>\n

Be kind to yourself. <\/strong>It doesn\u2019t matter if you feel like you are on the study treadmill or questioning your decisions as a parent, be kind to yourself. \u00a0You are doing the best that you can at that moment and that\u2019s all that matters. FULL STOP!<\/p>\n

Be present. <\/strong>If you are a post-grad parent it can be impossible to separate studying and parenthood.\u00a0 Instead, consider creating sections of your day where you can devote yourself fully to being a parent or a student.<\/p>\n

Reduce guilt.<\/strong> I struggled with this a lot. I often thought that studying was making me a bad parent: I was often stressed, overworked, or disengaged from my children. Was choosing to study a selfish choice?\u00a0 After all, I made the decision to study, not my children. \u00a0I shifted gears when I realised I could use my studying as a learning opportunity, a teaching tool, for my children. I was role-modelling a love of learning.\u00a0 My daughter loves that I study.\u00a0 She loves that we both do schoolwork, and that mum is writing a book that will be in the school\u2019s library that mum goes to.\u00a0 And she\u2019s looking forward to going to mum\u2019s prizegiving with her dad and brother to see mum get a big certificate.<\/p>\n

Remember the end goal: <\/strong>For me it was visualising the moment my children watch me walk across the graduation stage. I was studying as much for them as I was for me. By realising that my children are part of the goal of my study it helped me release some guilt and be present.<\/p>\n

Have flexible study habits: <\/strong>As a mother and a student, I was always changing how I worked, in order for it to work. My daughter slept in four hour blocks and 12 hours through the night from 6 weeks old, so finding time to study was reasonably easy. But she dropped her daytime naps before the age of 2, and before she turned 3 I had given birth to her brother. Everything kept changing. For the most part, my study took place between 9pm and 2am. \u00a0Sometimes my son would wake causing me to have an unscheduled study-break, or I was working only by the light from the computer screen so I wouldn\u2019t wake the kids. It wasn\u2019t easy, but it happened because it had to.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Photo by Yu Pong,<\/a> licenced under CC BY-NC 2.0<\/a><\/p>\n

One step at a time. <\/strong>Each day do something related to your study. Whether its returning a library book, writing notes, or talking to someone about your topic. It all counts getting you closer to the end goal.<\/p>\n

My favourite piece of advice I got when I was pregnant was not to get overwhelmed by all of the advice that is out there. Instead, let your child teach you. \u00a0I\u2019ve since realised that this relates to my experience as a post-grad parent.\u00a0 People\u2019s experiences are never exactly the same. \u00a0So listen to yours, be mindful, and embrace it.<\/p>\n

You\u2019ve got this!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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